Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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