He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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