I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sarcasm needs its own font
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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