you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
