Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
