i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
