I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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