im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
