Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
