Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
