The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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