it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"