this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
