Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
