listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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