I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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