He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
