He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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