Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize