Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
