this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
