why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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