did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need to calm my uterus...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
