I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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