she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My ass is underappreciated
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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