my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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