just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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