My nipple is on Facebook.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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