I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
