You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
