My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
