She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
