we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
