Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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