i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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