ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
