Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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