She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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