ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
