OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
