3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
