What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
