he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
