Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
