I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
