Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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