Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
