you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
