After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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