thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
