I'm gonna have a badass scar
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
