He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
