I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
