A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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