Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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