I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
