please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
