You're so nebulous sometimes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
