I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
