You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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