I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
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I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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