Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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