Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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