I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
