i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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