she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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