Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
